


Pretend

by StanfouQueen



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-27 23:18:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/301144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StanfouQueen/pseuds/StanfouQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and Trevor have been in a relationship for six months, but both have the same secret; they're both just pretending to be attracted to each other. Can they face the truth and find happiness? Alex/Olivia and George/Trevor. On hiatus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretend

Usually, a Friday night spent alone with a Lifetime movie and a carton of ice cream was a woman's idea of hell. But for Alex, it was even better than the other option available to her.

Because, as much as she hated being alone, going out on a date with Trevor Langan was the greater of two evils.

It wasn't that she didn't like Trevor. His arrogant attitude in the courtroom was actually a mask, veiling a gentler and more compassionate side of him. He was smart and funny, and a good man despite his exterior. Spending time with him, when not against each other on a case, was actually quite pleasant.

Until, that is, they'd become a couple.

She didn't feel like his lover, and sometimes, looking at him, she got a strong feeling that he didn't feel like hers either. Their conversations had become forced and overly polite; while, before, their friendly banter had come easily, now it felt like they had just met again, and were trying to break the ice to no avail.

They hadn't even had sex yet, after six months. Neither of them were at all prudish, but they always found an excuse. They had to prepare for a case the next day, or they had to go home and feed the pets- any excuse worked. Once, Alex had even pretended to be having cramps, just to get out of it.

Alex sighed in frustration as the phone began to ring and Trevor's name showed up on the caller ID. She considered ignoring it, but then Trevor would worry about her. It wasn't his fault that she wanted to be left alone- he'd been nothing but nice. This was her problem, not his.

Exhaling sharply to vent her annoyance, she answered, "Hello?"

"Hey, Alex," Trevor said. "I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner and a movie with me?"

Alex felt a slight stab of guilt at the prospect of turning him down. She may have gotten a vibe that Trevor wasn't liking their dates either, but what if it was just her mind imagining things in order to assuage her guilt and worries? If Trevor was indeed enjoying it, she didn't want to let him down like this.

Not to mention the fact that she was beginning to doubt she'd ever find love. She wasn't getting any younger, and even if kids weren't on her list of priorities at all, she still wanted to settle down at some point in the future. The idea of having someone to come home to and shelter her from the evils she saw every day was just what she wanted.

If she could find a single man she liked, that is.

Maybe that was the problem- because while she had never seen any men she liked, she had certainly seen women she'd liked. One woman, in particular. A silent, but happy, shudder ran through her frame at the thought.

"Alex?" Trevor prompted.

He gave a resigned sigh, accurately interpreting her silence as a decline. "Okay," he said dejectedly. "Maybe another time."

"Trevor, wait," Alex said, pausing. She ran her options over in her head; reject Trevor again, or spend a night in peace. "Will tomorrow work? Sorry, I had a long day today and I was actually passing out when you called."

Trevor sounded doubtful as he asked, "At 7:00?"

"Like I said; long day," Alex said dryly. Then she asked, accusingly, "Why don't you trust me?"

She felt like kicking herself the instant the words left her mouth. She was the one not trying, and she was the one lying to him, and yet her she was guilt tripping him.

This wasn't like her at all; she was much more mature than this. She stared at her hands, feeling self-hatred coursing through her veins like an acid. She needed to get her shit together, and fast.

"Alex, I'm sorry- I didn't mean that," Trevor said softly. "I just- you don't usually get tired this easy. Are you coming down with something?"

The guilt made her stomach churn. Trevor _did_ care. Even if she was right that he felt no more romantic about her than she did for him, he still cared about her as a friend or a sister, and he didn't deserve this. "Trevor, I- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I just need t get some sleep, okay? Can you call tomorrow?" she asked, pressing her free hand to her forehead.

"Yeah, Alex," Trevor said. He hesitated, clearly trying to decide what to say. Finally he said, "Sleep well."

"You too," Alex replied. She hung up a minute later. No "I love you", as usual.

Rubbing her eyes tiredly, she grabbed her ice cream and sat down on the sofa. As she watched the movie, she let her thoughts roam to what she should do about her current situation.

After a while, she decided that she'd continue to try. If she couldn't feel anything for him soon, though, she'd break things off. Again.

Stifling a yawn, she threw the empty carton away before retreating up the stairs and getting ready for bed.

Trevor sighed softly as he hung up the phone, and once again asked himself why he was trying. His feelings for Alex went no further than friendship, and if he kept this up, they would lose that, too.

Although Alex didn't seem that interested, either, he had chalked it up to them just having trouble adjusting to the transition between friends and lovers. They had been friends for three years, and taking the next step wasn't something they could accept overnight.

But there just wasn't anything there. There was no fiery romantic passion; their attitude towards each other was friendly and polite on good days, icy cold on the bad. If this was what love looked like, maybe he would be better off alone, because this was making him feel worse than he would if he was by himself.

But despite that, he was reluctant to end the relationship. Part of it, he supposed, was that by ending it, he would have to accept that he just wasn't attracted to women. He had never felt an ounce of attraction to them, and if he couldn't even make this work...

Accepting that he was gay wouldn't do any wonders for his career, either. As much as he wished he could say that his clients wouldn't care who he loved, that wasn't the case. Most of his clients were on the conservative side, and he doubted many of them would still respect him if he told them he was gay.

He twisted his hands absently for a few minutes, lost in thought. He couldn't decide which was worse; staying with Alex and just pretending, leading her on and letting her think he was heads-over-heels in love with her, or breaking it off and facing the music.

Finally, he shook his head in resignation. He'd keep trying, at least for a little while. Either they'd warm up to each other, or they'd keep forcing it and eventually split up; maybe they'd end on an amicable note and maybe they wouldn't.

"Not like I'm the first man to just pretend," he muttered to himself. "Some people go their whole lives without stopping the act."


End file.
